DIETRICH'S - KARATE, FITNESS & LIFE SKILLS!


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MASTER DIETRICH JOKES AND HUMOUR

      If you have five dollars and Master Dietrich has five dollars, Master Dietrich has more money than you.

     There is no 'ctrl' button on Master Dietrich's computer. Master Dietrich is always in control.

      Apple pays Master Dietrich 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

      Master Dietrich can sneeze with his eyes open.

      Master Dietrich can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

      Master Dietrich is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

      Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. Master Dietrich destroyed Chuck Norris

      Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. Master Dietrich can kill Chuck Norris

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Master Dietrich.

Master Dietrich doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Master Dietrich has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Master Dietrich.

Master Dietrich does not sleep. He waits.

Master Dietrich is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Master Dietrich is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Master Dietrich counted to infinity - twice.

When Master Dietrich does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Master Dietrich is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Master Dietrich’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Master Dietrich can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Master Dietrich doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Master Dietrich can slam a revolving door.

Master Dietrich does not get frostbite. Master Dietrich bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Master Dietrich marathon on Satellite TV.
 
When Master Dietrich calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
 
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Master Dietrich likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
 
When Master Dietrich was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
 
A Master Dietrich-delivered Side Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
 
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1MDSiK (Master Dietrich Side Kick)
 
Master Dietrich’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
 
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Master Dietrich? ...All of it.
 
Master Dietrich doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
 
In honor of Master Dietrich, all McDonald's in DC have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Dietrichsized.
 
Master Dietrich CAN believe it's not butter.
 
If tapped, a Master Dietrich side kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
 
Master Dietrich can divide by zero.
 
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Master Dietrich has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
 
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Master Dietrich is worth 1 billion words.
 
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Master Dietrich roundhouse kick.
 
Master Dietrich invented his own type of karate. It's called Dietrich-Will-Kill-You-Do.
 
When an episode of Master Dietrich was aired in France, the French surrendered to Master Dietrich just to be on the safe side.
 
Master Dietrich once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
 
When Master Dietrich talks, everybody listens. And dies.
 
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Master Dietrich kills a ninja, he uses every part.

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Master Dietrich to go around.
 
Master Dietrich doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Master Dietrich is Master Dietrich.
 
Master Dietrich always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
 
When taking the SAT, write "Master Dietrich" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
 
Master Dietrich invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
 
When you're Master Dietrich, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
 
Master Dietrich has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
 
On his birthday, Master Dietrich randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
 
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Master Dietrich.
 
In the beginning there was nothing...then Master Dietrich Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
 
Master Dietrich has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
 
Master Dietrich grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
 
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Master Dietrich"s
 
Master Dietrich ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
 
Master Dietrich and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
 
If you Google search "Master Dietrich getting kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
 
Little known medical fact: Master Dietrich invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
 
Master Dietrich doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
 
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Master Dietrich. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
 
It takes Master Dietrich 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
 
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Master Dietrich will find you and kill you.
 
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Master Dietrich Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
 
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Master Dietrich lives in Virginia.
 
When Master Dietrich is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
 
Master Dietrich once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
 
James Cameron wanted Master Dietrich to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
 
Master Dietrich can touch MC Hammer.
 
Thousands of years ago Master Dietrich came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
 
Master Dietrich is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
 
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Master Dietrich pajamas.
 
Master Dietrich once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.
 
Simply by pulling on both ends, Master Dietrich can stretch diamonds back into coal.
 
When Master Dietrich does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
 
Master Dietrich keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
 
Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Master Dietrich can change the laws of physics. With his fists.
 
Master Dietrich doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
 
Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Master Dietrich once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
 
Master Dietrich roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
 
Master Dietrich does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
 
Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Master Dietrich because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Master Dietrich's autobiography.
 
Master Dietrich can slam a revolving door.
 
Master Dietrich is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Master Dietrich does not swim. This is because when Master Dietrich enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Master Dietrich simply walks across the pool floor.
 
Master Dietrich built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
 
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Master Dietrich would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
 
Master Dietrich is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
 
The crossing lights in Master Dietrich's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Master Dietrich punching or kicking a pedestrian.
 
Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Dietrichtanium.
 
The Sherman tank was originaly called the Dietrich tank until Master Dietrich decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Master Dietrich, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been tough enough to be named after Master Dietrich.
 
Master Dietrich proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
 
Superman once watched an episode of Master Dietrich. He then cried himself to sleep.
   
Master Dietrich does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
 
There is no such thing as global warming. Master Dietrich was cold, so he turned the sun up.
 
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Master Dietrich, 3. Cancer
 
It's widely believed that Jesus was Master Dietrich's stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Master Dietrich's skin.
 
Master Dietrich did in fact, build Rome in a day.
 
Along with his black belt, Master Dietrich often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
 
Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Master Dietrich to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Master Dietrich had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.
 
Once you go Dietrich, you are physically unable to go back.
 
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Master Dietrich. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Master Dietrich.

The last thing you hear before Master Dietrich gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
 
Master Dietrich doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
 
Master Dietrich is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
 
Master Dietrich won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in tail-kicking.
 
'Tiger Balm' is too weak for Master Dietrich. After a workout, Master Dietrich rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
 
Master Dietrich cannot love, he can only not kill.
 
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Master Dietrich can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
 
Master Dietrich once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
 
In an act of great philanthropy, Master Dietrich made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.

Master Dietrich invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Master Dietrich is kicking you, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
 
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Master Dietrich.
 
Fear is not the only emotion Master Dietrich can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Master Dietrich."
 
MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Master Dietrich can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.
 
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Master Dietrich.
 
What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Master Dietrich-Division”.
 
There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Master Dietrich finds it delicious.
 
Most boots are made for walkin'. Master Dietrich' boots ain't that merciful.
 
The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Master Dietrich killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.
 
The Bible was originally titled "Master Dietrich and Friends"
 
Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Master Dietrich doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
 
When Master Dietrich says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
 
Master Dietrich brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Master Dietrich then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Master Dietrich giveth, and the good Master Dietrich, he taketh away.
 
Master Dietrich was what Willis was talkin' about.
 
Google won't search for Master Dietrich because it knows you don't find Master Dietrich, he finds you.
 
Master Dietrich can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
 
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Master Dietrich jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
 
It is scientifically impossible for Master Dietrich to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
 
 It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Master Dietrich a giant meteor.
 
Master Dietrich shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
 
That's not Master Dietrich doing push-ups -- that's Master Dietrich moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
 
Master Dietrich can judge a book by its cover.
 
Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Master Dietrich. Master Dietrich eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
 
Master Dietrich does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
 
Q: How manyMaster Dietrich does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Master Dietrich prefers to kill in the dark.
 
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Master Dietrich"
 
Since 1940, the year Master Dietrich was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
 
Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Master Dietrich, on a routine patrol.
 
Master Dietrich does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
 
It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Master Dietrich roundhouse kick.
 
Master Dietrich is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
 
Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Master Dietrich needs toothpicks.
 
Master Dietrich smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Master Dietrich’s personal chef.
 
"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Master Dietrich calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
 
Master Dietrich does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Master Dietrich's fists is inside his own body.

Master Dietrich uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Master Dietrich.
 
Master Dietrich is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole darn barn falls down.
 
Before each filming of Master Dietrich, Master Dietrich is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
 
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Master Dietrich.
 
Master Dietrich kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Master Dietrich doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.
 
Master Dietrich once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
 
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Master Dietrich’s glare will liquefy you.
 
Human cloning is outlawed because if Master Dietrich were cloned, then it would be possible for aMaster Dietrich roundhouse kick to meet another Master Dietrich roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
 
Master Dietrich once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

 If Master Dietrich round-house kicks you, you will die. If Master Dietrich misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.
 
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Master Dietrich.
 
Master Dietrich puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
 
Everybody loves Raymond. Except Master Dietrich.
 
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Master Dietrich while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
 
Master Dietrich got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
 
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Master Dietrich. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
 
Master Dietrich can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
 
Master Dietrich once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.
 
Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Master Dietrich. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.
 
The truth will set you free. Unless Master Dietrich has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
 
Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Master Dietrich roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
 
Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Master Dietrich in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
 
Master Dietrich doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
 
How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Master Dietrich.
 
When Master Dietrich does division, there are no remainders.
   
Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Master Dietrich basement".
 
Master Dietrich’s roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
 
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Master Dietrich, dies by the roundhouse kick.
 
The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Master Dietrich come off without a hitch.
 
The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Master Dietrich in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
 
Master Dietrich' Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis' Career.
 
Staring at Master Dietrich for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
 
Master Dietrich can taste lies.
 
Master Dietrich does not kick tail and take names. In fact, Master Dietrich kicks tail and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
 
One time, Master Dietrich accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.
 
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Master Dietrich roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
 
In 1990, Master Dietrich founded the non-profit organization "Kick Drugs Out of America". If the organization's name were "Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America", there wouldn't be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere.
 
Master Dietrich can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
 
Master Dietrich does, in fact, live in a round house.
 
Master Dietrich was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.
 
4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Master Dietrich as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.
 
Master Dietrich can skeletize a cow in two minutes.
 
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Master Dietrich goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
 
Master Dietrich's first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
 
With the rising cost of gasoline, Master Dietrich is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
 
The square root of Master Dietrich is pain. Do not try to square Master Dietrich, the result is death.
 
Master Dietrich's body do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
 
To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Master Dietrich
 
Master Dietrich has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
 
There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Master Dietrich.
 
Master Dietrich never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
 
If you were somehow able to land a punch on Master Dietrich your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?
 
Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Master Dietrich. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.
 
The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Master Dietrich took when he was younger. However, in Master Dietrich's case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.
 
Master Dietrich uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
Noah was the only man notified before Master Dietrich relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.
 
MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Master Dietrich roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
 
Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Master Dietrich thrives on pain. Master Dietrich then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.
 
Master Dietrich eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
 
The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Master Dietrich.
 
Master Dietrich doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
 
It is said that looking into Master Dietrich's eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
 
Master Dietrich knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
 
Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Master Dietrich with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Master Dietrich cannot be in two places at the same time.
 
Master Dietrich never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
 
When you say "no one's perfect", Master Dietrich takes this as a personal insult.
 
Master Dietrich can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.
 
182,000 Americans die from Master Dietrich-related accidents every year.
 
Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Master Dietrich beats all 3 at the same time.
 
All roads lead to Master Dietrich. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.
 
If you're driving down the road and you think Master Dietrich just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around.
 
July 4th is Independence day. And the day Master Dietrich was born. Coincidence? i think not.
 
Master Dietrich never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
 
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Master Dietrich Disease"
 
Master Dietrich was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
 
If you work in an office with Master Dietrich, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
 
In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Master Dietrich". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by Master Dietrich.
 
The First rule of Master Dietrich is: you do not talk about Master Dietrich.
 
Master Dietrich is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Master Dietrich isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
 
When Master Dietrich plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
 
Master Dietrich can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Master Dietrich is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.
 
Master Dietrich drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
 
Every time someone uses the word "intense", Master Dietrich always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
 
As an infant, Master Dietrich's parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
 
Master Dietrich once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
 
Most people fear the Reaper. Master Dietrich considers him "a promising Rookie".
 
There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Master Dietrich.
 
President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Master Dietrich carried his the same distance in half the time.
 
Master Dietrich once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
 
Master Dietrich was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
 
Master Dietrich qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
 
Master Dietrich likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
 
Master Dietrich uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
 
Master Dietrich's credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
 
A man once claimed Master Dietrich kicked him twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
 
Master Dietrich sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
 
Master Dietrich doesn't chew gum. Master Dietrich chews tin foil.
 
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Master Dietrich is on.
 
When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Master Dietrich". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.
 
Every time Master Dietrich smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
 
Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Master Dietrich asks for a body bag.
 
There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Master Dietrich.... Just kidding, Master Dietrich is first.
 
A man once asked Master Dietrich if his real name is "Mike". Master Dietrich did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
 
In a tagteam match, Master Dietrich was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
 
Master Dietrich doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
 
Master Dietrich is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
 
For undercover police work, Master Dietrich pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
 
In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Master Dietrich is the stuntman for every character.
 
Master Dietrich is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.
 
Master Dietrich is his own line at the DMV.
 
Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Master Dietrich. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
 
Who let the dogs out? Master Dietrich let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
 
Master Dietrich can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.
 
When Master Dietrich goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
 
Master Dietrich sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
 
Master Dietrich has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
 
If Master Dietrich wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
 
Not everyone that Master Dietrich is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
 
Master Dietrich has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
 
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Master Dietrich's first visit to Tokyo.
 
Master Dietrich once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.
 
"Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Master Dietrich gets too hot.
 
After taking a steroids test doctors informed Master Dietrich that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my sweat tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
 
Master Dietrich doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
 
When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Master Dietrich for help.
 
There are no such things as tornados. Master Dietrich just hates trailer parks.
 
Master Dietrich does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Master Dietrich.
 
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Master Dietrich's co-stars as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
 
Master Dietrich’s roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
 
Master Dietrich once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
 
The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Master Dietrich needed a back scratcher.
 
Master Dietrich was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.
 
Master Dietrich once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it.
 
For Spring Break '05, Master Dietrich drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
 
The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Master Dietrich Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
 
Master Dietrich has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
 
Divide Master Dietrich by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is.
 
TNT was originally developed by Master Dietrich to cure indigestion.
 
After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Master Dietrich with a handshake. The rest is history.
 
Master Dietrich runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.
 
"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Master Dietrich' theme song.
 
Master Dietrich will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
 
Only Master Dietrich can prevent forest fires.
 
When Master Dietrich makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
 
Master Dietrich is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
 
In the movie "The Matrix", Master Dietrich is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.
 
They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Master Dietrich killed the cat. Every single one of them.
 
Master Dietrich crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
 
One time, at band camp, Master Dietrich ate the bear.
 
Master Dietrich doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.
 
Master Dietrich originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.
 
Love does not hurt. Master Dietrich does.
 
Master Dietrich once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
 
The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Master Dietrich.

Master Dietrich doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Master Dietrich kills all birds, with two stones.
 
Master Dietrich knows the last digit of pi.
 
When Master Dietrich wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
 
Master Dietrich plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
 
Master Dietrich doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.
 
Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Master Dietrich to kill you...Fourty seven times.
 
The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Master Dietrich and three seven year old girls. Master Dietrich won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.
 
Master Dietrich is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
 
Mr. T pities the fool. Master Dietrich rips the fool's head off.
 
Master Dietrich had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
 
Master Dietrich has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
 
They were going to release a Master Dietrich edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Master Dietrich. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."   
 
A man once taunted Master Dietrich with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Master Dietrich proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.
 
Master Dietrich's favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.
 
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Master Dietrich was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
 
Master Dietrich has never been accused of murder for the simple fact that his roundhouse kicks are recognized world-wide as "acts of God."
 
"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Master Dietrich calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
 
Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Master Dietrich fight.
 
Master Dietrich is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
 
In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Master Dietrich, because Master Dietrich killed that man.
 
When you play Monopoly with Master Dietrich, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
 
Master Dietrich describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".
 
Master Dietrich once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Master Dietrich ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire.
 
Master Dietrich likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
 
Master Dietrich can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
 
Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Master Dietrich does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
 
Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Master Dietrich touches turns up dead.
 
Master Dietrich' pulse is measured on the richter scale.
 
Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Master Dietrich."
 
Master Dietrich once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels.
 
Master Dietrich enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal.
 
Master Dietrich CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And he can do it with one hand.
 
Kenny G is allowed to live because Master Dietrich doesn't kill women.
 
Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of Master Dietrich, roundhouse kicking you in the face. And if you receive a box of Master Dietrich, you ALWAYS know what you are going to get.
 
For Master Dietrich, every street is "one way". HIS WAY.
 
There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Master Dietrich.
 
During the Vietnam War, Master Dietrich allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.
 
Master Dietrich once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.
 
Master Dietrich actually built the stairway to heaven.
 
Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Master Dietrich's kindergarten class.
 
Master Dietrich once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower.
 
The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Master Dietrich didn't kill you in your sleep.
 
Master Dietrich doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can.
 
Master Dietrich needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to masturbate.
 
Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If you mention this to Master Dietrich, expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk.
 
Master Dietrich invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.
 
Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Master Dietrich wanted his nickname back.
 
If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Master Dietrich hears it. Master Dietrich can hear everything. Master Dietrich can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.
 
Master Dietrich actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover.
 
He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Master Dietrich … dies.
 
Master Dietrich can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his hands.
 
Master Dietrich neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds your trachea before ravaging your soul with a combination of chocolate, roundhouse kicks and death. Oh, and pain. Lots of pain.
 
Master Dietrich doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.
 
Master Dietrich can get Blackjack with just one card.
 
People created the automobile to escape from Master Dietrich...Not to be outdone, Master Dietrich created the automobile accident.
 
Master Dietrich roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.
 
When Master Dietrich was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Master Dietrich.
 
Master Dietrich can sneeze with his eyes open.
 
Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it Master Dietrichsaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it’s simply not possible for Master Dietrich to be killed.
 
Master Dietrich got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Master Dietrich for every answer.
 
Master Dietrich has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
 
Master Dietrich successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face.
 
Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Master Dietrichaurus.
 
People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply...Master Dietrich
 
Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Master Dietrich is looking for it.
 
Master Dietrich was once a knight in King Arthur's court.  He was known as Sir Beatdown.
 
In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly because they knew Master Dietrich was coming.
 
Master Dietrich doesnt go at the speed of light, he goes at the speed of Master Dietrich
 
Master Dietrich does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet.
 
Before sliced bread, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Master Dietrich". But Master Dietrich was displeased by this. So he roundhouse kicked a loaf of bread into slices.
 
Master Dietrich's sweat has burned holes in concrete.
 
The wind of Master Dietrich’s round house kick can be felt from 1600 million miles away
 
Master Dietrich has held the World Championship in every weight class at the same time
 
Master Dietrich is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Master Dietrich is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.
 
There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Master Dietrich.
 
Earth's emergency defence plan in case of alien invasion is Master Dietrich.
 
Master Dietrich stared evil in the face, and it backed down
 
Master Dietrich can split the atom. With his bare hands.
 
On the SAT if you put Master Dietrich for every answer you will score over 8000
 
The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Master Dietrich
 
When Master Dietrich spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame
 
Master Dietrich doesnt use after shave, he uses liquid hot magma.
 
When Master Dietrich  found this web-site while surfing the internt, he round house kicked his computer...10 new facts were added instantly.including this one
 
You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you’re Master Dietrich
 
No matter what your mother always said, Master Dietrich can tune a fish.
 
Master Dietrich is '' The best a man can get ''
 
On Valentine's Day, Master Dietrich gives his wife the still beating heart of one of his enemies. Being very romantic, Master Dietrich believes every day should be Valentine's Day.
 
Master Dietrich let the dogs out.
 
Master Dietrich visits an active volcano every morning to get some of "the best espresso on Earth".
 
Master Dietrich eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.
 
Master Dietrich don't open no can of whoopass. He makes his own.
 
Master Dietrich could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit.
 
Master Dietrich's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius.
 
The world's fastest car has 7 gears.  5, 6, and Master Dietrich.
 
Master Dietrich once thought of bottling his sweat and selling it.  We now know that product to be called “Red Bull”
 
The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Master Dietrich left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his Hair.
 
When Master Dietrich goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money.
 
In an emergency, Master Dietrich can be used as a floatation device.
 
When Master Dietrich is ready to wake up, he tells the sun to get the above the horizon.
 
The speed of light was instituted because Master Dietrich didn't want get winded outrunning it. Master Dietrich hates to sweat.
 
Master Dietrich once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents.
 
Master Dietrich can hold his breathe for nine years.
 
Master Dietrich invented the question mark.
 
Master Dietrich trick-or-treated as himself as a child.
 
Master Dietrich has 3 knees on each leg.
 
Master Dietrich likes long walks on the beach, Barry White music, Harlequin romance novels, songbirds, rainbows, and quiet time with his lady…just before he roundhouse kicks her in the face.
 
Master Dietrich can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
 
Master Dietrich puts the laughter in manslaughter.
 
Master Dietrich's  hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China.
 
The helicopter was invented after Master Dietrich was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second.
 
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Master Dietrichs. Not to be outdone, Master Dietrich invented the car accident.
 
Master Dietrich brushes his teeth with barbed wire.
 
Master Dietrich can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds.
 
Master Dietrich make onions CRY!!!
 
Some people say that Master Dietrich is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead.
 
When Master Dietrich sneezes, he don't say "Atchoo" he says "DIE EVERYONE!!!". That's what happens next.
 
Master Dietrich eats a bowl of diamonds every morning.
 
Master Dietrich is not only a noun, but a verb.

Master Dietrich's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Master Dietrich does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Master Dietrich goes killing.

If you can see Master Dietrich, he can see you. If you can't see Master Dietrich you may be only seconds away from death.

Master Dietrich built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Master Dietrich met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Master Dietrich has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Master Dietrich is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a freakin Indian.


In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Master Dietrich, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.


The chief export of Master Dietrich is pain.
 

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Master Dietrich out. It failed misserably.
 

Crop circles are Master Dietrich' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie  down.
 

Master Dietrich once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."
 
 

Master Dietrich is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.


When observing a Master Dietrich roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Master Dietrich actually solves the mysteries of the universe, reads his opponents mind, pulls out and eats his soul, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
 

Master Dietrich put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Master Dietrich dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.
 

Master Dietrich kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"
 

Master Dietrich knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
 

Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Master Dietrich roundhouse kicked him across the face several times
 

China was once bordering the United States, until Master Dietrich roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.
 

Master Dietrich is what Willis was talking about
 
 

When Master Dietrich had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
 

Master Dietrich once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
 

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Master Dietrich. Master Dietrich showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
 

If Master Dietrich is late, time better slow down
 
 
 

Master Dietrich ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
 
 

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Master Dietrich and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
 

Master Dietrich frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
 

Master Dietrich never cries, because of this when he's sad he roundhouse kicks himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who can survive the roundhouse.
 

Master Dietrich doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Master Dietrich tells it to.
 

Master Dietrich was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Master Dietrich omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
 

Master Dietrich used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn’t, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Master Dietrich,” and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
 

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Master Dietrich.
 
 

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Master Dietrich.
 

Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world’s hardest substance. But then they met Master Dietrich, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Master Dietrich.
 

God offered Master Dietrich the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
 

When Master Dietrich was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
 

Master Dietrich drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
 

A duck’s quack does not echo. Master Dietrich is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
 

Master Dietrich once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Dietrich lost, he won in LIFE by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.
 

Master Dietrich’s roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
 

If you want a list of Master Dietrich’s enemies, just check the extinct species list.
 

Master Dietrich has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
 
 

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Master Dietrich.
 

Ironically, Master Dietrich’ hidden talent is invisibility.
 
Master Dietrich invented water.
 

Master Dietrich invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Master Dietrich is kicking you, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
 

Master Dietrich is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
 

Contrary to popular belief, Master Dietrich, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
 

Master Dietrich does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
 

Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Master Dietrich roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
 

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Master Dietrich can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.
 
 

Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Master Dietrich.
 

Master Dietrich once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what “his way” detailed, he replied: “with barbed wire and nails, of course”. He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking.
 
 

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Master Dietrich jumps out.
 
 

Master Dietrich won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat up everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
 

Master Dietrich got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Master Dietrich for every answer.
 

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Master Dietrich to die before they attack.
 

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Master Dietrich. It was more "humane".
 

Master Dietrich doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they side kick the hell out of viruses. That's why Master Dietrich never gets ill.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Master Dietrich has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Master Dietrich invented his own type of karate. It's called Dietrich-Will-Kill-You-Do.

Master Dietrich invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Master Dietrich.

Master Dietrich does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

Along with his black belt, Master Dietrich often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

When you're Master Dietrich, anything + anything is equal to 1.... 1 side kick to the face..

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